Late night thoughts

I started this blog after I broke up with YSL.
It’s been 13 years.
I find it amusing to write my life online 
rather than have a diary.
I rarely go back to older post because sometimes it’s too painful
to remember and read.
Is my life too sad ? Haha.

Has depression and anxiety has take over my life?

I found it hard to feel happy.

I open up to my husband regarding my anxiety (not saying anything about depression)
I’ve been a laughing stock.
Haha. Sometimes when I’m staring at window,
He jokingly asked me if I’m thinking to jump.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

It’s so funny I think I want to.

This is why,
I don’t really open up to anyone.

They mock me.
Making me want to do stupid thing so so badly.

Don’t talk about if I ever solat to calm my problem or not,
Because I’m the only one who solat in this house.
I decided to bimbing myself even I’m not perfect mana in ibadah.
I’m hoping for jannah even I knew I’m a sinner.

Uhh whatever.
When everything regarding this Pandemic is over,
I think of getting help.
To be honest, 
If I can go and live in another country,
It would be great because I’m sick of this place.

I planning to studying and working in New Zealand
But Pandemic happens.

I really hope it will come true one day.

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