I miss you umi

As im laying on my bed.

I looked at the ring on my fingers.

And i cried.

I had two ring.

One is risik ring.

Another is engagement ring.

I cried because in both event,

Umi was there.

But for the last ring,

My wedding ring.

She's not able to see it.

She's not able to be in my wedding.

That what makes me sad.

Every morning i wakeup and looking at the calendar,

Hoping this is all just a joke or a dream.

Im not able to let her go.

I cant.

She was too special in my heart.

She's my mom.

She died too soon.

Too sudden.

Too much.

This fate is too much to accept.

I pretend to be strong everyday.

I put a fake smile everyday.

I laugh but my eyes are sheding tears everyday.

I make myself busy so that i dont have time to think about her.

But when no one around, i cried. Yes i cried a lot.

My heart hurt a lot.

On 18th April, she suppose to had her heart surgery.

She really afraid to do the surgery for almost 15 years,

But when she finally get courage to do so,

Allah took her. Whyyy?

This is too much.

But i guess her pain has finally ended.

Dont give me advices.

Because you dont feel or going thru what i had right now.

Im almost crazy right now.

I though being dump by boys are the most painful thing ever.

But i am totally wrong.

The most painful thing ever is when your family leaves you forever.

I love you umi.

Forever and ever.

You too special.

See you in akhirat.

Please be in my dream, sekali pun takpe. I missed you so much,