Another day Another shit

Raining

It’s heavy rain lately

Wishing it wash away my pain

Trying to be positive

Despite feeling like shit everyday

Just for the sake of my kid,

I live for another day

How could you toss your responsibility on me?

While not willing to let me go?

Surely benefits you well,

Clear minds, peaceful sleep

Knowing i carried it all like a champion.

Fuck you

Will you only learn your lesson

If i die?

That would be so unfair.

Weird

I’m in this environment for 8 years now.

Don’t  tell me to try again

Too many time has passed

Too many chance was wasted.

This heart used to filled with love,

Now hatred everywhere.

Ahh why u even here?

Weird.

Meds

Midnight,

I seems to be awake.

Damn u meds.

It’s raining,

Calm and cozy night,

Totally opposite my heart.

Contemplating myself on this path,

Will i ever be success?

Just like everybody else.

Felt so left out.

Felt like I’m still standing at the same place,

While everyone else has achieved few levels.

Ahh,

Must be my meds,

Making me overthinking,

But it’s true thou

Fuck.

House

I missed my childhood,

The smell of small and narrow elevator,

Stops at 12th floor because it doesn’t go to odd floors.

Go down 1 level,

Walk along the corridor,

Reminiscing of us as a kids,

Playing sorts of game,

Remembering every each resident in this 4 doors.

Going to the house number 10.

I missed it.

Wasn’t all happy memories

But at least Ayah was there.

That house wasn’t feel like mine.

It was small,

Narrow,

But cozy.

It was our house.

Way different than the house im in right now.

This was bigger,

Way bigger,

But why i still doesn’t feel like this is mine?

Or I didn’t even had one,

From the start?

Bastard

How does it feels to marry a narcissist?

Suffered.

Thanks to what he had done to me,

I suffered with anxiety and depression 

My tendency to unalive myself is growing each days.

Those who tell me to just walk out from this relationship,

I did try. Many times.

But the power is not at my hand

And nobody stand by my side  to support.

I just wanna be alone.

I just want some peace.

I hate the sound of him nag,

I hate the sound of him coming home,

I hate the sarcasm he gave me,

I hate the way he drives when he’s angry,

I hate the way he touch me,

I hate it all.

I just want everything to be end.

He knew.

There is no more love.

But because of his ego, and inferior complex,

He won’t let me go.

He don’t want people to see that he failed.

He rather had me captivated 

Than let me go.

Hiding behind the word LOVE

Now tell me,

Am i the crazy one

Or

He is?