Excited

Hello.

It's February huh?

i wont say it's fast or slow cause i felt my time kinda freeze.

The only thing that makes me realize that time flies is

My kid.

She will be in standard 2 next month!

Can you believe it?

Neither do i !

How can someone like me managed to raise her?

i am kinda proud of myself.

oh, i suppose to move to other place but somethings came up,

so need to postponed that plan this year.

Plus my kid wont need to change school. 

But i hope her transportation plan is going well.

Hey, i'm moving to my own place next month!

It's me & Suri all by our self.

But i am occupied 1 room for my sister to pantang there.

Because i live above my mom's place huhu.

i wanted to live far but i knew my mom worried bout us,

so for this 1 year, i will live here.

in future, dunno yet hehe.

How will i deco my house?

Was thinking of manimalist but the artist in me wanted COLOR!

Should i play with color and be non-typical house?

or should i play safe and go for boring muji style?

damn this is hard!

but i am excited! Been wanting this forever.

Wish me luck!

T R A S H

Someone came and ask for my heart.

How do i tell i don't have any left?

Maybe in the trash, if it was there.

or maybe has been crush to dirt.

dusting out thru the wind

winding to someplace i don't know.

A little update

31.

i got what i wish for this year.

Being alone.

i am enjoying my loneliness.

no commitment, no attachment, no relationship

no one to serve, no one to argue with me, no one to find my fault.

it would be a lie if i dont miss being taken care of,

being independent with a child is hard,

but i choose this.

insyallah, i can.

i wanted to be successful so badly.

i wanted to continue my study,

i wanted to go to places i can't go before,

i wanted my child to be proud of me.

yes, both in heaven too.

i wanted all of you to be proud of mommy.

but for today,

let me cry all i want.

my heart broke.

my body weak.

i'm stuck in the middle of everything.

and its suffocate me.

so let me cry all i want for today.

because i will get up a lil bit stronger later.

lets be strong for the future dz.

u can!

Goodbye Mrs

On 6th September,

Im no longer his wife.

It was a tough day to go thru.

Ive been getting those nasty words,

Insult, threat all day.

Just because i finally stand for myself.

After years of mental abuse,

Few attempt to kill myself,

I started listening to tazkiran and solat properly,

I start to love myself.

I never wanted a divorce to have freedom,

Or flirting here and there,

I just want some peace in my life.

I hate his harsh words,

I hate his threat,

I hate his insult,

Yes, i am definitely not a great wife & daughter in law.

But do i do the same as you?

U said its not fair,

To divorce like this,

But where is my justice then?

You spread lies by telling people,

Im rude and don’t listen to judge,

But the truth is i stated the fact,

And judge makes his decision as a decision maker,

Either to let u divorce me or hold the marriage.

And his decision is letting u to divorce me.

Was that my mistake too?

U took away my jewellery ,

U said I don’t deserve to wear it,

But in the past,

You keep stealing and selling mine behind my back,

But to fullfill your angst today,

I let u have whatever you want.

I dont shed tears today,

Because my tears has dried.

Ive been shedding tears for you to change for the past 8 years,

But you never change. Not a bit.

I had no desire to be an enemy,

Because we got kid together.

I just wish all the good things happen to you.

Hope you will find your perfect girl.

Im sorry for my incompetence for the past 8 years we married.

Thank you for the memory for the last 10 years.

Either good or bad.

I will take this as lesson for my life.

I hope you too.

Goodbye.

31

Few days ago,

Someone asked me to delete my blog.

Because apparently i spread aib in here.

First of all,

This is my personal space.

My voice and opinion wasn’t being heard by anyone out there,

And now you deny my rights in my ONLY safe place?

We supposed to open our divorce case tomorrow but change it to today,

And suddenly u can’t go because needed to work.

At this point  im no longer doubt if you only trying to drag this.

I don’t get the part after u read all of my word in here,

U still being selfish by wanted to keep me in your life,

Just for the sake of u can’t live without me

While still being a jerk and unappreciative bastard towards me

U spilled your hurtful words and call me useless,

Yet you hoping i will gladly and obediently open my arms for you.

You expect me to hug you while u crying,

But did nothing when i’m the lowest point in my life.

The world doesn’t revolve around you, only.

I will definitely having a hard life,

Being a single mom,

But my mental health,

my peace are definitely 

going to be okay.

I wanted to feel happy again.

It’s been so long since i felt that.

All this time, its always misery and sorrow.

What i wish for my gift this year is,

My happiness.

Happy 31 bitch.